Introduction revising

This is my intro so far

Steve Irwin, better known as the crocodile hunter, once said, “I have no fear of losing my life - if I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake, mate, I will save it." Steve Irwin dealt with death every day, from dealing with crocodiles to catching pythons. Fear of death is commonly seen in society and has prevented many people from doing thing they would like to do, but are too scared to attempt. Although Irwin died, he did so doing what he loved. Not only that, he inspired many people to do what they love, even if it may mean taking a risk and putting life in danger. This theme is shown through the characters of Achilles and Hector. In the story The Iliad, Homer portrays death as detrimental to life. If one constantly fears death and doesn’t take any gambles, they cannot accomplish much in life.

Any suggestions?

Thanks

The Iliad thesis statement

Hey everyone, I'm wondering if I could please get some feedback on my thesis statement.

My thesis primarily states that fear of death is detrimental to life. Basically meaning that if one constantly fears death and doesn't take any gambles, they cannot accomplish much in life.

Also I had a question about how many paragraphs this paper should be, because I can type a 5 page paper using the traditional five paragraph format. However is there a minimum amount of paragraphs involved with this?

Thanks

I was thinking of giving an intro to each of the 3 characters I chose, does this work? or should I do one paragraph at the begining explaining all 3 at once??
Also, I'd like some feedback on the 3 body paragraphs.

First, Achilles’ community grows throughout the Iliad. In the Iliad, Achilles’ pride is hurt at the beginning and his state of mind causes him to lose leadership in his community. As the book proceeds, Achilles matures and regains his pride, his leadership in his community-as well as expanding his community.
Achilles acts against his community in order to obtain greater glory. In book 1, Briseis, Achilles’ prize, is taken from him and he asks his mother to “persuade [Zeus], somehow […] to pin the Achaeans back […] and mow them down” (p 91). Even though the Achaeans are on his side, his priorities lie in maintaining his pride. His actions show that he is making choices based on his own personal interests rather than his current community, which is greatly affected.
Then, once his individual needs are met, Achilles focuses on his community. The turning point occurs in book 18. The Smith’s designs on Achilles’ shield depict the world as innocent and joyful. This is when Achilles’ community becomes larger than the Achaean community. His new community is the world and his goal is to preserve it.
Achilles, overall, is a successful leader of his community. This is most emphasized in book 24 when Priam asks “Pity me” (604). They wept together, though they were enemies. Not only does the representation on his shield show his expansion of community, but his actions in this book do also.