Also, I'd like some feedback on the 3 body paragraphs.
First, Achilles’ community grows throughout the Iliad. In the Iliad, Achilles’ pride is hurt at the beginning and his state of mind causes him to lose leadership in his community. As the book proceeds, Achilles matures and regains his pride, his leadership in his community-as well as expanding his community.
Achilles acts against his community in order to obtain greater glory. In book 1, Briseis, Achilles’ prize, is taken from him and he asks his mother to “persuade [Zeus], somehow […] to pin the Achaeans back […] and mow them down” (p 91). Even though the Achaeans are on his side, his priorities lie in maintaining his pride. His actions show that he is making choices based on his own personal interests rather than his current community, which is greatly affected.
Then, once his individual needs are met, Achilles focuses on his community. The turning point occurs in book 18. The Smith’s designs on Achilles’ shield depict the world as innocent and joyful. This is when Achilles’ community becomes larger than the Achaean community. His new community is the world and his goal is to preserve it.
Achilles, overall, is a successful leader of his community. This is most emphasized in book 24 when Priam asks “Pity me” (604). They wept together, though they were enemies. Not only does the representation on his shield show his expansion of community, but his actions in this book do also.
Achilles acts against his community in order to obtain greater glory. In book 1, Briseis, Achilles’ prize, is taken from him and he asks his mother to “persuade [Zeus], somehow […] to pin the Achaeans back […] and mow them down” (p 91). Even though the Achaeans are on his side, his priorities lie in maintaining his pride. His actions show that he is making choices based on his own personal interests rather than his current community, which is greatly affected.
Then, once his individual needs are met, Achilles focuses on his community. The turning point occurs in book 18. The Smith’s designs on Achilles’ shield depict the world as innocent and joyful. This is when Achilles’ community becomes larger than the Achaean community. His new community is the world and his goal is to preserve it.
Achilles, overall, is a successful leader of his community. This is most emphasized in book 24 when Priam asks “Pity me” (604). They wept together, though they were enemies. Not only does the representation on his shield show his expansion of community, but his actions in this book do also.
2 comments:
I'm not quite sure what you mean by 3 different intros, one for each character. Is the first paragraph below an example of what you are talking about?
As three body paragraphs, the work here is a bit disjointed. You have a fairly concise overview of Achilles' character in paragraph 1, but I'm not sure what purpose it serves. If it is to intro the character and you plan on using it as a transition from another section (or focus on another character) I think it works, but the transition to the next paragraph is disjointed and needs a transitional phrase to help ease it.
The second paragraph is interesting. You have some strong analysis, but you need to explore your shield point more fully -- maybe turn it into another paragraph. We only examined part of the imagery of the shield in class. Be sure to look at the description that precedes it.
The third paragraph needs more development. Explain the pity and weeping more fully.
As for the three intros, if you mean transitional paragraphs, then I think this is possible. Just be sure they serve the purpose of increasing clarity and fluidly tie in to the paragraphs before and after.
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