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Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thesis
Thesis main part -Effective leaders act to accomplish tasks. Leaders who are out doing things are the ones that people follow is pretty much what I want to say but I am having difficulties saying it.
so if i combined these would i prove the first part and then the second part? or is the first part assumed? or try to prove both parts in the body paragraphs at the same time?
This would be an inductive essay. First you'd prove communities are more likely to follow an action, then you link that tendency to the idea that it encourages risk taking behavior in the leaders - ultimately to benefit the community.
I'll admit I haven't read this paper before and I haven't sat down to be sure that the evidence really exists for this argument.
But I am interested in finding out if it is a valid argument.
There are some examples of the community not following verbal commands, like Agamemnon telling the armies to abandon ships. Also, the armies follow Agamemnon when he does fight and Hector fights with people following him. Risk taking behavior with Achilles, Diomedes, Hector, Sarpedon, Patroclus.
This is what i have already written. Can i salvage any of it with this new format?
Agamemnon risks nothing when speaking to urge his army to leave. The Achaean army had just suffered a defeat and morale was low. Seeing no hope Agamemnon urged the warriors to “Cut and run! Sail home to the fatherland that we love”(252). But none followed his commands. Agamemnon essentially has no power over his own minions and nothing is accomplished by his words. When saying this he is shying away from any risk to his person by running from a losing battle before he gets involved. This failure to take any personal risk also hurts the community, which needs the war to plunder Troy. During his aristeia Agamemnon imperils himself and leads the Achaeans in a rout of the Trojans. Agamemnon finally ends his fast from battle and demonstrates his prowess. On the battlefield “just at the point where most battalions scattered Agamemnon charged, the rest of his troops in armor quick behind him now”(301). Yet Zeus says that once a weapon “ wounds the king, then I will hand Hector the power to kill and kill”(302). The troops following where the fighting was most intense behind him shows the effectiveness of his leading, while the king’s injury shows the risks of battle and how the necessary it is for him to lead. This is significant because only when he endangers himself does the army follow him and only when the army is led is it successful. Odysseus’ plea to Achilles to go into battle in book 9 reveals that a leader must battle for the community. An envoy of people close to Achilles is sent to him to persuade him to fight. Odysseus tells Achilles that “All hangs in the balance now: whether we save our benched ships or they’re destroyed, unless, of course, you put your fighting power in harness”(259). Achilles replies that there isn’t any reason to “stake my life on the mortal risks of war”(262). The possibility of losing the ships shows that Achilles lack of action and failure to lead the Myrmidons threatens the entire community, while his response shows his fear of losing his life. His refusal as a leader to place himself in peril, places the community in peril.
You've got the right ideas, just trust yourself. Your part A then part B idea is great and you wouldn't just confine this to the beginning of the essay - this is your essay.
There are two ways of organizing the whole essay. Part A (all examples from many characters) then Part B (all examples many characters) or you could do part A (one character) then part B of that same character.
The second way is more sophisticated because you'd have to figure out a logical progression of characters, but with a little work, it would be possible.
10 comments:
maybe
communities follow the actions of their leaders
better relevancy piece
a community benefits when its leaders take risks.
I like your two revisions better than the initial version.
I don't know how far you've gotten with either of these, but a combination of the two might be most effective -
Because communities follow actions and not words, communities benefit when their leaders take risks...
Not perfect, but interesting...
so if i combined these would i prove the first part and then the second part? or is the first part assumed? or try to prove both parts in the body paragraphs at the same time?
This would be an inductive essay. First you'd prove communities are more likely to follow an action, then you link that tendency to the idea that it encourages risk taking behavior in the leaders - ultimately to benefit the community.
I'll admit I haven't read this paper before and I haven't sat down to be sure that the evidence really exists for this argument.
But I am interested in finding out if it is a valid argument.
There are some examples of the community not following verbal commands, like Agamemnon telling the armies to abandon ships. Also, the armies follow Agamemnon when he does fight and Hector fights with people following him. Risk taking behavior with Achilles, Diomedes, Hector, Sarpedon, Patroclus.
So Part 1 A community is more likely to follow an action.
Part 2 Part 1 results in risky actions in an attempt to lead, benefits the community
Also, would I say all of that at the beginning, or just part 1 then later part 2?
This is what i have already written. Can i salvage any of it with this new format?
Agamemnon risks nothing when speaking to urge his army to leave. The Achaean army had just suffered a defeat and morale was low. Seeing no hope Agamemnon urged the warriors to “Cut and run! Sail home to the fatherland that we love”(252). But none followed his commands. Agamemnon essentially has no power over his own minions and nothing is accomplished by his words. When saying this he is shying away from any risk to his person by running from a losing battle before he gets involved. This failure to take any personal risk also hurts the community, which needs the war to plunder Troy.
During his aristeia Agamemnon imperils himself and leads the Achaeans in a rout of the Trojans. Agamemnon finally ends his fast from battle and demonstrates his prowess. On the battlefield “just at the point where most battalions scattered Agamemnon charged, the rest of his troops in armor quick behind him now”(301). Yet Zeus says that once a weapon “ wounds the king, then I will hand Hector the power to kill and kill”(302). The troops following where the fighting was most intense behind him shows the effectiveness of his leading, while the king’s injury shows the risks of battle and how the necessary it is for him to lead. This is significant because only when he endangers himself does the army follow him and only when the army is led is it successful.
Odysseus’ plea to Achilles to go into battle in book 9 reveals that a leader must battle for the community. An envoy of people close to Achilles is sent to him to persuade him to fight. Odysseus tells Achilles that “All hangs in the balance now: whether we save our benched ships or they’re destroyed, unless, of course, you put your fighting power in harness”(259). Achilles replies that there isn’t any reason to “stake my life on the mortal risks of war”(262). The possibility of losing the ships shows that Achilles lack of action and failure to lead the Myrmidons threatens the entire community, while his response shows his fear of losing his life. His refusal as a leader to place himself in peril, places the community in peril.
I think that you can use all of it.
You've got the right ideas, just trust yourself. Your part A then part B idea is great and you wouldn't just confine this to the beginning of the essay - this is your essay.
There are two ways of organizing the whole essay. Part A (all examples from many characters) then Part B (all examples many characters) or you could do part A (one character) then part B of that same character.
The second way is more sophisticated because you'd have to figure out a logical progression of characters, but with a little work, it would be possible.
Either way is fine.
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