Sunday, October 24, 2010

intro

I am finding it difficult to introduce my thesis. I have a paragraph but am looking for feedback.

Author and retired military Colonel Dandridge M. Malone wrote, “The very essence of leadership is its purpose. And the purpose of leadership is to accomplish a task. That is what leadership does–and what it does is more important than what it is or how it works.” In war the task to be completed is winning the battle and winning the war. A leader must be out in front undertaking a task where the followers can see and emulate. Homer’s Illiad is a raging war where the leaders must be the ones who are powerful killing machines. The community follows the leaders actions and this encourages risky behavior in the leaders, ultimately helping the community.

1 comment:

DPCastle said...

It seems like a fine paragraph until the end. I don't necessarily agree that leaders must be "powerful killing machines" but I do think you're right that they should be out front fighting. "risky" also doesn't seem like the right word, and the last sentence in general seems a little clunky. Maybe something like "The community follows their leader's actions, and a courageous leader inspires those in the community to follow their lead."